Wednesday, July 30, 2008
i thot i wud b really happy or even touched.... but i didnt feel much of that, oly a little.... if it was in e past, i wud b, i believe.... but now, nt anymore i guess? if nt thgs wudnt hav come 2 such a state in e 1st place, isnt it? cos mainly, i didnt hav my hopes up when i did tt... den it hit me tt from e moment i hav made e decision 2 let it out, i hav oredi chose 2 let go.... i oways thot tt i was thot thru so long 2 make tt decision cos i feared tt wud hurt u.... but it seems to me now tt wat i actually feared was letting go of it.... i didnt 1 myself 2 hav nt much of a feeling abt tt.... i wanted to hold on... but now, im starting 2 c myself let go... perhaps till a pt tt whether or nt tt happens, it doesnt matter anymore....
was a really bad exp playing TABOO.... nono, i cant do tis la =(( juz imagine sum1 who is afraid of speaking up in front of ppl trying 2 play TABOO.... tts quite a LOL?? tis was my 1st n hopefully e last time playing tis game.... we juz dun go tgt.... n FYI, i DID NT volunteer 2 go up ok?? if i did, i muz hav bin crazy.... its a hist tcher call me go up de lo.... WADEVA, anw oredi diu lian le oso cant undo..... promise 2 myself: nv play tt again!! T.T
its kinda strange when it hav bin so long tt u hav tis feeling n its gone all of a sudden, lyk within days.... i really really dun tink of tt anymore.... no feelings, nth..... juz a stranger... no memories, no hopes up.... sounds kinda sad cos juz lyk tt few sentences of words being sent out, all my emotions n thots were oso sent out n returned 2 u?? mayb she's right, cos when i noticed thgs werent gng 2 b same, i did nt c e need 2 hold on le, nt lyk last time, when i was stl hoping 4 sth....
gng hav dinner soon.... YAY, yi xiang dao badminton 2mr, i feel so high!!! =DD lols.... though sadly, i tink my skills (if i hav them in e 1st place) will go sheng xiu aft nt playing 4 so long cos it has oways bin e case... but nvm, juz hav fun n b stressfree!!! =P i really nit tt....
p.s EL songs really rocks a lot!! (: sry 4 e lagness, but i juz realised...
& some thgs were left unsaid...
had e strong urge 2 come home 2 blog... perhaps tt feeling was too overwhelming..... did sth "proud" in public again... was too uncontrollable... though there were already N times lyk tt, still wasnt too heck care abt others.... i tried my best 2 act n manage well.... hope it was successful.... tt word was used too many a times tt i cudnt feel anythg from it anymore.... whether or nt it really meant tt, to me, it didnt matter at all... it's juz a word, nth more....
starting 2 regret saying tt.... cos i dun 1 2 do it anymore.... juz dun feel lyk it.... most probably was due 2 fear.... fear of losing sth....im nt prepared 2 do it though i hav been tinking lyk abt 3 wks whether 2 do it or nt.... it was juz a moment of impulsiveness 2 say tt out.... can i now fan hui??? i noe it's has bin bothering u these days cos i promised i wud do it.... so it is nt fair 4 me 2 bck out now.... but, i 1 2 chge my mind now... can i take bck my words? but it can't b undone anymore? im juz v afraid if i really do tt, i mite regret even more?
juz 1 a bao bao now from sum1.... boo... my sis nt in =( she's lyk e oly 1 i can hug when im low.... i really really nit her alot cos i noe i can rely on her.... hmm, i tink my xin lin is getting more n more cui ruo by e day... i wasnt lyk tt last time, nt such a crybaby n nt so easily down... ( i shall double confirm wif my fren LOL) i hope i can chge tt n return 2 e happy happy me... im suppose 2 b cheerful de leh?
but im sumhow afraid, if 1 day, im nt sad anymore, it is most probably cos i dun care anymore.... tis mins tt u r nth 2 me n u dun affect me... at least when im sad, it meant to me, u r v v impt.... cos i dun tink its worth it being sad over sum1 u dun care... if tt day really comes, i'll juz b so cold n icy cos there's no pt anymore...
oways tinking of u as my fairy godmother... cos wheneva i 1 2 complain or m v upset, i wish tt u cud turn up in front of me.... cos u care n u can really comfort me well... im oways so entertained tt i 4gt y im depressed.... but haix, u do nt hav such powers tt wheneva i need u, u'll appear... but its ok, cos no matter wat, i noe tt i'll oways hav u =D thx so much 4 wat u hav done, might b nth to u, but mins a great deal 2 me! <33
thedreamer.
7/30/2008 06:43:00 PM
Thursday, July 24, 2008
starting 2 regret saying tt.... cos i dun 1 2 do it anymore.... juz dun feel lyk it.... most probably was due 2 fear.... fear of losing sth....im nt prepared 2 do it though i hav been tinking lyk abt 3 wks whether 2 do it or nt.... it was juz a moment of impulsiveness 2 say tt out.... can i now fan hui??? i noe it's has bin bothering u these days cos i promised i wud do it.... so it is nt fair 4 me 2 bck out now.... but, i 1 2 chge my mind now... can i take bck my words? but it can't b undone anymore? im juz v afraid if i really do tt, i mite regret even more?
juz 1 a bao bao now from sum1.... boo... my sis nt in =( she's lyk e oly 1 i can hug when im low.... i really really nit her alot cos i noe i can rely on her.... hmm, i tink my xin lin is getting more n more cui ruo by e day... i wasnt lyk tt last time, nt such a crybaby n nt so easily down... ( i shall double confirm wif my fren LOL) i hope i can chge tt n return 2 e happy happy me... im suppose 2 b cheerful de leh?
but im sumhow afraid, if 1 day, im nt sad anymore, it is most probably cos i dun care anymore.... tis mins tt u r nth 2 me n u dun affect me... at least when im sad, it meant to me, u r v v impt.... cos i dun tink its worth it being sad over sum1 u dun care... if tt day really comes, i'll juz b so cold n icy cos there's no pt anymore...
oways tinking of u as my fairy godmother... cos wheneva i 1 2 complain or m v upset, i wish tt u cud turn up in front of me.... cos u care n u can really comfort me well... im oways so entertained tt i 4gt y im depressed.... but haix, u do nt hav such powers tt wheneva i need u, u'll appear... but its ok, cos no matter wat, i noe tt i'll oways hav u =D thx so much 4 wat u hav done, might b nth to u, but mins a great deal 2 me! <33
& some thgs were left unsaid...
2dae's racial harmony day!!! =P ok, was quite looking 4ward to 2dae.... hav bin quite excited abt it, particularly bcos i can get 2 wear e sari =)) lols lols, i juz wan 2 get a taste of it.... but its actually quite difficult 2 walk in it.... u cant walk properly?? i <3 e bangles.... e sound i guess LOL.... yeas... but i wud say i prefer e malay costume more!! ^^ hoho, mayb nxt time ba... i xiang le so jiu le.... from lyk pri 5??? until now haven da cheng... haixhaix.... hmmm, tasted quite sum food wich r nice =DD im most amused by e boys of my cls LOL.... e advertising thg was lyk so funny.... interesting music n evythg lolslols.... conclusion..... Nice exp 2dae!
tt day, u told me abt tt... i really didnt noe whether it was 2 make me feel better.... perhaps nt so, perhaps its juz bcos u really felt tt & saw e need 2 tok 2 sum1.... im glad tt u chose me..... it makes me kinda more impt as ur fren.... i really really understand.... considering im lyk e most exped..... sounds gd 2 b e most exped?? mayb nt so in tis case ba! tts when i learn too, tt i hav nt learnt.... cos im juz 2 weak.... i wish i cud handle thgs lyk how u do it?? i gt 2 learn from u..... if nt i guess e 1 tt will suffer e most is myself.... cos im nt helping myself, being so negative...
i really cant understand y i cud lyk <3 tt so much, yet, there's tis feeling of hatred 2wards it too.... i dunno if i shud continue sudd, when once i was so sure of my decision.... its feels horrible 2 b juz a puppet.... lyk u r nth but a puppet.... y cant passion b e oly thg tts holding it n me?? i really hate it 4 being so practical n cruel...... i duno how 2 <3 it lyk i once did b4 anymore??? tts y im looking 4ward 2 nxt yr 4 nxt yr n i hope tt tis yr will end quicker?? so tt i noe i can b free n hav e chance 2 start anew?
juz invented tis method wich was found 2 b quite useful i guess... tts e oly way... nt here.... cos there, oly u n i noe evythg n there's no restriction... though its quite stupid cos im hav 2 undo wat i hav done..... but e amt of frustration n sadness tt can b fa xie is more than 5 times compared to tis..... but is tis really management??? i dun tink im 2 sure of tt....
thedreamer.
7/24/2008 06:31:00 PM
Monday, July 21, 2008
tt day, u told me abt tt... i really didnt noe whether it was 2 make me feel better.... perhaps nt so, perhaps its juz bcos u really felt tt & saw e need 2 tok 2 sum1.... im glad tt u chose me..... it makes me kinda more impt as ur fren.... i really really understand.... considering im lyk e most exped..... sounds gd 2 b e most exped?? mayb nt so in tis case ba! tts when i learn too, tt i hav nt learnt.... cos im juz 2 weak.... i wish i cud handle thgs lyk how u do it?? i gt 2 learn from u..... if nt i guess e 1 tt will suffer e most is myself.... cos im nt helping myself, being so negative...
i really cant understand y i cud lyk <3 tt so much, yet, there's tis feeling of hatred 2wards it too.... i dunno if i shud continue sudd, when once i was so sure of my decision.... its feels horrible 2 b juz a puppet.... lyk u r nth but a puppet.... y cant passion b e oly thg tts holding it n me?? i really hate it 4 being so practical n cruel...... i duno how 2 <3 it lyk i once did b4 anymore??? tts y im looking 4ward 2 nxt yr 4 nxt yr n i hope tt tis yr will end quicker?? so tt i noe i can b free n hav e chance 2 start anew?
juz invented tis method wich was found 2 b quite useful i guess... tts e oly way... nt here.... cos there, oly u n i noe evythg n there's no restriction... though its quite stupid cos im hav 2 undo wat i hav done..... but e amt of frustration n sadness tt can b fa xie is more than 5 times compared to tis..... but is tis really management??? i dun tink im 2 sure of tt....
& some thgs were left unsaid...
hoho... feels sorta weird nt posting 4 quite long.... feels lyk sth is missing... i duno la.. juz sum weird feeling.... but i dun really hav much time... so i'll make tis post short....
im more n more confused in my own web of feelings now.... wow, nt bad, totally entangled.... yea blabla =X i duno wats exactly gng on in my head now..... i thot its juz v normal, but it dun seem lyk tt to me now.... haix.... e more sad thg is tt im e oly 1 tt can untangle myself now.... i really duno n dun dare 2 tell any cos... its juz too...??? erms, undescrible... ya, tts e rite word 2 use T.T how can i feel so super happy bcos of tt few sentences?? i tink im crazy or wat?? -.-
im having my hopes higher on gng bck 2 e past.... yea, i really miss tt feeling... but isit tt simple 2 get it bck?? chances r coming my way, though....
she's e oly one who noes abt tt cos i can trust her & i noe she understands evythg.... but.... i tink she's nt e one who nits 2 understand.... but i duno how 2 make u understand??? its juz too difficult a task 4 me n all i noe is tt im really tired.....
ytd's jap recital was really cool!! =D n i felt tt there were sum similarities btw tt n CO.... yea, tts y its more cool hahaha.... i was really interested n e player is so cute... he lyk a ci xiang de grandpa haha... esp. when he smiles.... hehehe.... i hope will get 2 c more of such performances.... sum ppl shud really feel guilty 4 sleeping... i min music is so beautiful *0* how cud u bear 2 do tis??? LOL.... ok, im gng crazy over music... but its true... MUSIC ROCKS ok?
2dae's interview wif mr wee was a LOL.... ok la, i tink its quite a nice exp.... i didnt tink i did badly 4 e 1st time being an interviewer... its quite fun actually =) i tink i wud lyk 2 try more of tis nxt time hehehe... heng wasnt too panicky cos i tink dun feel v stressed wif mr wee ard, wich is juz great... LOLz.... ok, gtg le... bb...
thedreamer.
7/21/2008 07:10:00 PM
Thursday, July 10, 2008
im more n more confused in my own web of feelings now.... wow, nt bad, totally entangled.... yea blabla =X i duno wats exactly gng on in my head now..... i thot its juz v normal, but it dun seem lyk tt to me now.... haix.... e more sad thg is tt im e oly 1 tt can untangle myself now.... i really duno n dun dare 2 tell any cos... its juz too...??? erms, undescrible... ya, tts e rite word 2 use T.T how can i feel so super happy bcos of tt few sentences?? i tink im crazy or wat?? -.-
im having my hopes higher on gng bck 2 e past.... yea, i really miss tt feeling... but isit tt simple 2 get it bck?? chances r coming my way, though....
she's e oly one who noes abt tt cos i can trust her & i noe she understands evythg.... but.... i tink she's nt e one who nits 2 understand.... but i duno how 2 make u understand??? its juz too difficult a task 4 me n all i noe is tt im really tired.....
ytd's jap recital was really cool!! =D n i felt tt there were sum similarities btw tt n CO.... yea, tts y its more cool hahaha.... i was really interested n e player is so cute... he lyk a ci xiang de grandpa haha... esp. when he smiles.... hehehe.... i hope will get 2 c more of such performances.... sum ppl shud really feel guilty 4 sleeping... i min music is so beautiful *0* how cud u bear 2 do tis??? LOL.... ok, im gng crazy over music... but its true... MUSIC ROCKS ok?
2dae's interview wif mr wee was a LOL.... ok la, i tink its quite a nice exp.... i didnt tink i did badly 4 e 1st time being an interviewer... its quite fun actually =) i tink i wud lyk 2 try more of tis nxt time hehehe... heng wasnt too panicky cos i tink dun feel v stressed wif mr wee ard, wich is juz great... LOLz.... ok, gtg le... bb...
& some thgs were left unsaid...
thedreamer.
7/10/2008 05:57:00 PM
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Si Lin, 16, born on 23/10/92 & has the personalities of
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